We have a Shelf Elf.
His name is Norf Dorf.
He's about 4" tall, stocky, and has bright lime green hair that sticks straight up - bursting out of the top of his top hat. He looks suspiciously like one of those "so-ugly-they're-cute" troll dolls that were popular back in the 80's/90's.
ok, he actually IS one of those troll dolls that was popular back in the 80's/90's.
Norf Dorf hides somewhere different in our house every day and observes the manners he sees being practiced. Then every night, after the Grommets go to sleep, he magically whisks himself away to the North Pole to report directly to Santa the manners of the day. Once his report is complete, he returns to our home and hides again to repeat the ceremony.
He usually shows up right around the time we set our Christmas Tree up, and on Christmas Eve, he hides within the Christmas Tree itself, excited to watch my Angels tear through their diligently-earned Christmas Bounty.
He has some pretty amazing hiding places: On the topmost shower soap dish, suspended from the light fixture in the hallway, peeking from behind potted house plants, nestled in the basket containing our toothbrushes and toothpaste (holding a toothbrush of his own, of course), balancing on the top of door or window casings, replacing the baby Jesus in the manger of our porcelain Nativity, etc. Sometimes he has bows in his hair, sometimes he removes his jacket or his shoes, sometimes he has lipstick on, and other times his clothes will be on backwards... One morning he was bearing letters to the children, and often, when we listen with our hearts, we can here him singing and talking to us.
As it's important that his hiding place is novel, convincing, and n'er repeated - especially since he has to be kept out of reach of the kids (if he gets touched by people, he goes back to the North Pole and won't come back to our house till next year) - I have multiple opportunities in this cozy cottage of mine for creativity when deciding how/where to hide him each night. Sometimes it's just a pain in my butt and I want to just get the heck into bed.
Well, the other night, Norf Dorf decided to hang suspended, upside down, from the pull cord of one of our ceiling fans. The fob at the end of the pull cord is a beautiful 2" long, faceted, clear crystal. I dutifully twisted and tugged and wrapped the cord around one of his legs and wedged him "just right" with the cord and the fob to give the amazing illusion of magical, daring, watchful inversion. My efforts paid off and he looked great. I went to bed excited for the girls to discover him in the morning.
"MOM! MOM! Wake up!" they shouted, long before the sun considered peeking over the horizon, "come look!!" ... and then they laughed and laughed and laughed. "Mommmmmmmmm-- wake up! Come look at the Shelf Elf! He's hiding in the fan and he thinks the diamond is his penis!! Come look!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!"
Yeah - the way I had wedged the crystal fob had created a magnificently obvious phallus standing tall and clear between his legs.
oops.
Showing posts with label mama tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mama tips. Show all posts
Friday, December 17, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Behind the Scenes
Ya know one of the best parts about being a Mama?
The privilege of seeing all of the secret little personal things my kids do. You know, those darling little behaviors, habits etc that they're too shy to do in front of other people --
My Mermaid was given an old cell phone the other day by a friend of mine. The SIM card was left intact and the phone is loaded up with music. Mermaid has carried it around non stop for 2 days playing music... and dancing. She's done the wave, the worm, the robot, a lot of "booty shaking", some slow dancing with her Fairy Princess sister, and all sorts of other impromptu performances. All with deep feeling, intense facial expressions, and full-body participation. In fact, they're doing a 5 year old modification of a dramatic Tango right now. Way cool! Of course, no one but Mama can see this stuff ... when I ask them to perform for others, they either act very shy and refuse, or they get really silly and just show off.
Lady Leprechaun has decided which things are her "favorite thing". I'll give her an apple and she'll look up at me, set the apple down and vehemently declare with a ferocious grin "This is my FAVORITE APPLE!" - while giving me a double-thumbs up and pumping her arms out dramatically in cadence to the words. Then I'll give her a glass of water and she'll announce, "Mom, this is my FAVORITE WATER!" and pump that two thumbs up at me again. She informs me about her favorite foods, clothes, hair styles, toothpaste, songs, movies, blankies . . . well, everything. I have no idea where she learned it, but it's about the cutest thing I've ever seen - and when I "bait" her to do it in front of others, she gets all coy and reserved and says nothing. Her thumbs automatically stick up, though, and I get a real kick out of watching her notice that and try to hide them. haha!
Lucky me!
Oh, on a side note - I facilitated progression to Nirvana for two more mice yesterday! YES !
The privilege of seeing all of the secret little personal things my kids do. You know, those darling little behaviors, habits etc that they're too shy to do in front of other people --
My Mermaid was given an old cell phone the other day by a friend of mine. The SIM card was left intact and the phone is loaded up with music. Mermaid has carried it around non stop for 2 days playing music... and dancing. She's done the wave, the worm, the robot, a lot of "booty shaking", some slow dancing with her Fairy Princess sister, and all sorts of other impromptu performances. All with deep feeling, intense facial expressions, and full-body participation. In fact, they're doing a 5 year old modification of a dramatic Tango right now. Way cool! Of course, no one but Mama can see this stuff ... when I ask them to perform for others, they either act very shy and refuse, or they get really silly and just show off.
Lady Leprechaun has decided which things are her "favorite thing". I'll give her an apple and she'll look up at me, set the apple down and vehemently declare with a ferocious grin "This is my FAVORITE APPLE!" - while giving me a double-thumbs up and pumping her arms out dramatically in cadence to the words. Then I'll give her a glass of water and she'll announce, "Mom, this is my FAVORITE WATER!" and pump that two thumbs up at me again. She informs me about her favorite foods, clothes, hair styles, toothpaste, songs, movies, blankies . . . well, everything. I have no idea where she learned it, but it's about the cutest thing I've ever seen - and when I "bait" her to do it in front of others, she gets all coy and reserved and says nothing. Her thumbs automatically stick up, though, and I get a real kick out of watching her notice that and try to hide them. haha!
Lucky me!
Oh, on a side note - I facilitated progression to Nirvana for two more mice yesterday! YES !
Thursday, October 14, 2010
20 Things I Say to my Grommies Every Day
Yes, every single day, I say every one of these things (plus several more):
1) I love to be your Mama
2) Wanna know why I'm the luckiest Mama in the world? 'cuz I get to have you for my kid
3) Oooooh - you smell like Heaven
4) Come over here and let me kiss you - I wanna know what Angels taste like
5) How did you get so freakin' smart?
6) You are an awesome sister/friend/cousin/daughter/etc...
7) You ROCK! (This is Fairy Princess' favorite. When she wakes up every morning, she comes and snuggles next to me in my bed then starts right in with: "Mama, Good Morning, wake up! Can I open your blinds? Do I rock?)
8) No, you may not have sugar cereal. That's not real food - it's candy. If you want to eat candy for breakfast you'll have to go to someone else's house to get it. ("Mama," asks my Mermaid with genuine concern, "why do people give their kids candy for breakfast?")
9) I love you
10) Oh wow - you look super cute / beautiful / colorful / etc
11) I love the way you: did your hair / matched your clothes / colored inside the lines / cleared your dishes / played with your sister / shared / etc
12) Get in there and brush those Germ Bugs out of your teeth. Top, bottom, front, back, inside and outside. Then brush your tongue and spit!
13) Step one is to pick up the dress-ups and put them in the treasure chest . . . Step two is to pick up the musical instruments and put them into the music drawer . . . Step three is to put the books back in the bookcase . . .
14) Ohhhh honey, It's ok - I would cry too if that happened to me
15) Phew! It's a good thing your body knows how to heal itself!
16) If someone is acting mean it's because they want some extra love
17) You have a way cool Daddy and he loves you a lot.
18) Uh, uh. Stop right now. You get to use your GOOD manners
19) If you don't want to eat your food, then you can go in and take a nap. Your body is ready for some energy and the best two ways to get it right now are eating or sleeping. Which one are you going to choose? (The "standard lunchtime discussion" I have with the Fairy Princess)
20) Good night, sleep tight, don't let the waterbugs bite. (They informed me that it was WATERBUGS not bedbugs who wanted to bite them . . . "duh, mom" . . .)
And it's true, all true.
Livin' and Lovin'
~da Renegade Mama
1) I love to be your Mama
2) Wanna know why I'm the luckiest Mama in the world? 'cuz I get to have you for my kid
3) Oooooh - you smell like Heaven
4) Come over here and let me kiss you - I wanna know what Angels taste like
5) How did you get so freakin' smart?
6) You are an awesome sister/friend/cousin/daughter/etc...
7) You ROCK! (This is Fairy Princess' favorite. When she wakes up every morning, she comes and snuggles next to me in my bed then starts right in with: "Mama, Good Morning, wake up! Can I open your blinds? Do I rock?)
8) No, you may not have sugar cereal. That's not real food - it's candy. If you want to eat candy for breakfast you'll have to go to someone else's house to get it. ("Mama," asks my Mermaid with genuine concern, "why do people give their kids candy for breakfast?")
9) I love you
10) Oh wow - you look super cute / beautiful / colorful / etc
11) I love the way you: did your hair / matched your clothes / colored inside the lines / cleared your dishes / played with your sister / shared / etc
12) Get in there and brush those Germ Bugs out of your teeth. Top, bottom, front, back, inside and outside. Then brush your tongue and spit!
13) Step one is to pick up the dress-ups and put them in the treasure chest . . . Step two is to pick up the musical instruments and put them into the music drawer . . . Step three is to put the books back in the bookcase . . .
14) Ohhhh honey, It's ok - I would cry too if that happened to me
15) Phew! It's a good thing your body knows how to heal itself!
16) If someone is acting mean it's because they want some extra love
17) You have a way cool Daddy and he loves you a lot.
18) Uh, uh. Stop right now. You get to use your GOOD manners
19) If you don't want to eat your food, then you can go in and take a nap. Your body is ready for some energy and the best two ways to get it right now are eating or sleeping. Which one are you going to choose? (The "standard lunchtime discussion" I have with the Fairy Princess)
20) Good night, sleep tight, don't let the waterbugs bite. (They informed me that it was WATERBUGS not bedbugs who wanted to bite them . . . "duh, mom" . . .)
And it's true, all true.
Livin' and Lovin'
~da Renegade Mama
Friday, October 8, 2010
Measuring up to the Walking Stick
ok - so here's what I'm wondering:
My sister, Sparkly, has a little boy just 1 week older than Dream Boy (1 year old). He ranks in their family hierarchy at the same level as Dream Boy does in mine. (even down to being the only boy)..
Her little fella was walking at the tender age of 8 months. These days he walks up and down stairs, opens doors and runs with ease.
My Dream Boy doesn't. What he DOES do is a sorta Gorilla Bum Bump 'n Slide (very rapidly I might add), and I definitely have to keep him away from the 3 stairs that are on my property. (I need to let the bumps on his forehead heal before he attempts it yet again, lest someone think he's being beaten and calls The Authroities).
Now this isn't about comparing, because I'm solidly aware that my kids are ALREADY uncontestedly the most amazing kids on Earth, but I'm wondering this: Sparkly and her hubby are extremely athletic. They both work out for hours every day - In fact, her husband will be breaking the world record for a pretty widely-known worldwide sporting event this next weekend. (One that involves A LOT of running).
I, on the other hand, satisfy my fitness requirements by chasing kids around. I also garden, participate in the Zen art of Housekeeping (really - I totally dig washing baseboards and ceiling fans), take 3-year-old-paced walks and regularly sweep kiddie-goo off of my very large patio. I haul wood to stock up for my wintertime fireplace, and I make soap (yes, that is too fitness--I stir it with my own two hands).
Granted, that's not really a Gorilla Bum Bump 'n Slide - sliding on my bum and hands along the floor instead of walking (I'm generally standing through most of that stuff) - but it IS sort of a mutated view of fitness.
So - what I wonder is this: Is Sparkly's little guy just a walking prodigy, or did he just see SO MUCH running and walking that he decided to try it as soon as he was able? Hm. Maybe it's just that Dream Boy is very fat, or maybe he's just really smart - after all, don't we ALL wish we could just relax and be carried a bit more...?
I wonder. What do you think?
My sister, Sparkly, has a little boy just 1 week older than Dream Boy (1 year old). He ranks in their family hierarchy at the same level as Dream Boy does in mine. (even down to being the only boy)..
Her little fella was walking at the tender age of 8 months. These days he walks up and down stairs, opens doors and runs with ease.
My Dream Boy doesn't. What he DOES do is a sorta Gorilla Bum Bump 'n Slide (very rapidly I might add), and I definitely have to keep him away from the 3 stairs that are on my property. (I need to let the bumps on his forehead heal before he attempts it yet again, lest someone think he's being beaten and calls The Authroities).
Now this isn't about comparing, because I'm solidly aware that my kids are ALREADY uncontestedly the most amazing kids on Earth, but I'm wondering this: Sparkly and her hubby are extremely athletic. They both work out for hours every day - In fact, her husband will be breaking the world record for a pretty widely-known worldwide sporting event this next weekend. (One that involves A LOT of running).
I, on the other hand, satisfy my fitness requirements by chasing kids around. I also garden, participate in the Zen art of Housekeeping (really - I totally dig washing baseboards and ceiling fans), take 3-year-old-paced walks and regularly sweep kiddie-goo off of my very large patio. I haul wood to stock up for my wintertime fireplace, and I make soap (yes, that is too fitness--I stir it with my own two hands).
Granted, that's not really a Gorilla Bum Bump 'n Slide - sliding on my bum and hands along the floor instead of walking (I'm generally standing through most of that stuff) - but it IS sort of a mutated view of fitness.
So - what I wonder is this: Is Sparkly's little guy just a walking prodigy, or did he just see SO MUCH running and walking that he decided to try it as soon as he was able? Hm. Maybe it's just that Dream Boy is very fat, or maybe he's just really smart - after all, don't we ALL wish we could just relax and be carried a bit more...?
I wonder. What do you think?
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